Ethan Slater’s Ex-Wife, Lilly Jay, Reflects on “Sudden” Divorce Amid Ariana Grande Relationship

Lilly Jay, the ex-wife of actor Ethan Slater, has penned a heartfelt essay detailing the “sudden” divorce that unfolded “in the shadow” of her former husband’s relationship with his Wicked co-star, Ariana Grande.

“No one gets married thinking they’ll get divorced, just like no one boards a plane expecting it to crash,” Jay wrote in her essay published by The Cut on Thursday.

“I truly never thought I’d be divorced—especially not after having our first child and especially not because my husband began a relationship with a celebrity.”

A Shock to the System

Jay admitted she is still navigating the “shock and grief” of her divorce a year later while mourning the loss of her “invisibility” as she lived a relatively private life working as a mental health psychologist specializing in women’s health.

“As a therapist, part of what I offer my patients is the ability to connect without the complications of a personal relationship. I never intended for them to know the details of my life,” she explained.

Jay emphasized that maintaining professional boundaries is crucial for therapy and that her life away from the public eye had always been a source of solace.

“I preferred immersing myself in others’ stories rather than broadcasting my own for public consumption,” she added.

Privacy vs. Publicity

Jay described how her aversion to social media clashed with Slater’s rising success, for which platforms like Instagram and Facebook became essential tools.

“My partner was walking a different path, where social media and exposure weren’t obstacles but necessities,” she said. “We navigated this tricky terrain while sharing pizza in our apartment, establishing rules about what he could share about our life together. It was a delicate balance—my career demanded privacy, and his thrived on applause—but it worked while life unfolded as planned.”

The couple’s dynamic shifted after welcoming their first child and moving to London to support Slater’s career. Jay admitted she became consumed by the “magic and mundanity” of first-time motherhood, unable to see the growing distance between them.

Co-Parenting Amid Heartbreak

Despite their separation, Jay said she remains committed to co-parenting their two-year-old son with Slater.

“While our partnership has changed, our parenting roles have not,” she shared. “We both love our son 100% of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided.”

However, the pain of the breakup has been amplified by the promotion of Wicked—the movie that brought Grande and Slater together.

“For me, the days spent with my son are the bright ones. The days I can’t escape the promotion of a film tied to the darkest chapter of my life are cloudier,” she confessed.

Career and Public Scrutiny

Jay also reflected on how the sudden public attention surrounding her divorce has affected her career.

“It’s hard to quantify absence, and I can’t say definitively how my career has been impacted by what’s online,” she noted. “But there have been hints—a job offer vanishing after another tabloid news cycle or a new patient disappearing before their first appointment.”

The therapist acknowledged that her anonymity is gone, and she has decided to reclaim her narrative.

“I can’t reconcile the irony of helping others prepare for the fragility and beauty of pregnancy and postpartum while my world was turned upside down,” she said. “But I can begin to hear my voice when I tell patients that avoidance feeds fear. Perhaps it’s time to accept that I’m no longer anonymous.”

A Celebrity Scandal

In July 2023, news broke that Grande had separated from her then-husband, Dalton Gomez, while Slater filed for divorce from Jay later that month.

Jay criticized Grande at the time, saying that the pop star was “not a girl’s girl.”

Sources, however, claimed that both Slater and Grande had been separated from their respective partners for months before their relationship began.

For her part, Grande denied rumours of infidelity, defending Slater in a September Vanity Fair interview.

“There’s no less accurate description of a person than what tabloids have written about him,” Grande said. “No one tries harder or stretches thinner to be there for the people he loves.”

She added, “There’s no one with a kinder heart on this earth. And that’s something no tabloid nonsense can rewrite in real life.”

While Jay’s essay underscores the personal toll of the divorce, it also speaks to resilience, self-reflection, and the ongoing journey to find light amid the shadows.